I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
