I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
