there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
