I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
