you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
