he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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