we have pet lesbian snakes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
as a side note pls kill me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
where are my eyebrows?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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