Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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