I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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