Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
