girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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