Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
