Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
