I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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