Just cropdusted the office
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
