Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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