Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
