I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
