i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You are a genius and a whore.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
