Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Shame - the story of my life.
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