she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
