I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
