in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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