My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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