Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
