organizing the empties. That sober.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
