just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
