i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
