I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize