wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
