the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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