Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
