if only i could text you this smell
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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