there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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