So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize