I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
