Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
