No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
