remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
