My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
