If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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