he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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