Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize