I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
