pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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