Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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