I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She's JV to your varsity
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize