Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So drunk its hurt
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
