I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
