If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
