Can Purell be used as lube?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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