Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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