Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
