I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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