I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
