I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
