it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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