Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
