so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Still dying that you shit outside
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
