I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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