You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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