smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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