I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize